Front Porch Expressions Photo
And so this idiot comes up to me after the wreck and he says - I couldn't see your car.
Is he blind !? Is he stupid !? Maybe we need bigger cars. Whaddya think ?

 -I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The welder still expects a testimonial from us.

Wicked Good Racing Site

I dunno Harley ! Maybe they won't let you pose with their trophy girl because you ain't got a checkered flag. No, wait - we sorta have one here. Maybe you oughtta just trying takin' a bath this week.

Northeastern Speedway Site
So, I'm weldin' along, and it looks pretty darn good, ya know?
I figure maybe a couple a more bars. Then I show
it to the guy. He looks at me and he says, "Dumbass !, I
wanted the  !@#$@!% cage INSIDE the car !"
So that's how I came to own it.
Nephew Family Photo Courtesy of Gary Nephew
How do I manage to tell Allie I sold the engine
yesterday to that Yarbrough feller ?
 Courtesy of Cho Lee
OK,  I know it's installed, but how the hell am I
going to hear the football game over the race
noise ?
 Dallas History.Com
Jeez! Here I am in victory lane, the crowd's goin'
wild, and all my car owner can do is bitch cuz'
I'm hard on equipment. Do I SEEM hard on
equipment ?
 Courtesy of Cho Lee
 I know he owns the damn track and I'm
only the stinkin" flagger but THAT ain't no
#!**$#! spec motor !
 Courtesy of Chip Cormie
Just stand there, act natural, and do yer
usual clownin' around, Rene. Maybe the owner
won't notice you stole his engine.

 Courtesy of Jack Anderson
I know, Jack... the car WAS there, but it ain't
there now ! You GOTTA complain to Squier
about his track's freakin" raccoon problem !

 Courtesy of Jerry King
No, Jerry ! Take it out of gear..... yeah that
stick thing. Now, push that friggin' button.

 Irv Conron Photo Courtesy of Chris Companion
Keep watchin' and - for God Sakes act natural.
Shoemaker's GOTTA sit on that seat sooner or
later. Did ya get real whipped cream, Radar ?

 Courtesy of The Lafond Family
Seriously. Jack.. I know it's a rare frog -
but can'tcha try to find it AFTER the race ?
 Courtesy of The LaFond Family
OK, ducks, that fake red flag trick worked. Now get in a line and follow me.

Herbert Family Photo

Jeezus, Jeep ! I figger'd you wuz kiddin'
'bout a rattlesnake in the car with ya!
Herbert Family Photo
You want me to go WHERE ... and
do WHAT !?
Bob Mackey Photo via John Rock
I don't care what I just won, Art...
if I don't take a wizz in the next thirty seconds ....
Dragon Family Photo
Hey, wher'dya think yer goin' buddy ? Ya just sold
me and Russ here a bald tire in front of
6,000 people !

Davis Family Photo
Hey Tate ! Ya  sure ya want this job ?

Photo Courtesy of R.A. Silvia
So dis guy, he sez to me "Frankie, now that we're
sponsoring your sorry ass, you bettah drum us some
some biz, capiche?" So, I just did ! Ya don't mess with
Frankie Carmouche, see?

Photo Courtesy of Cho Lee
Frank there shows up in the pits and I sez to him
"So, Frankie, yer runnin' the high banks tonight, eh ?"
He looks at me a little blank and goes "Yup".
I had no idea he was THAT unfamiliar with the place.

Ladabouche Photo
Well, John Albert, maybe next time you'll listen
to your poor little wife and actually add
GASOLINE to the car !

Dragon Family Photo
Oh sure, Ray ... they can jump over the wall and
change Bettis's tires; but, you can't hop over
with your welder and fix one little problem for
poor ol' Lennie ?

Grossetti Family Photo
Honestly, that first chocolate trophy was great, guys;
but, I can't possibly manage another one. You go ahead
and have some of it.

Ladabouche Collection
Yeah, Louie, now up a bit and over to the right.

Bushey Family Photo
Wow, THAT brings a whole new meaning to taking a few
laps in the pace car !

Dooley Family Photo

Yup, little lady, after I win me a heat
race, ol' Jungle Red here will hop on one of them
elephants over there and he will take you on a safari
through them woods off the backstretch.

Courtesy of Cho Lee
Robbie, lookit that ! Five Catamount Kittens are streaking across the infield. Too bad Rosati's busy.

Cavalcade of Auto Racing Photo
So, here I am. I just dumped poor Dick's coach on its nose; I coulda killed myself; and this jackass comes up to me and he says "Well, Bob, I see you got yourself in a real Pickell". Ya know what ? Ummm, I just don't..... No, hell, I am OUTTA this freakin' joint ! Don't he know I'm touchy about my name ?

Courtesy of Chris Companion
That IS, beyond a doubt, the biggest bumper I ever saw
anyone put on a '61 Ford.... Hell ! on any car !

Courtesy of Dan Ody
Grinding crash ? What grinding crash ? That guy over
there just yelled something that sounded a lot like

Ken Spooner Photo
George, Edward, I understand how you feel about this
car. But until you stop denting it, I am going to be
driving it ... and carefully, I might add.
Danish Family Photo
You better get out and go now ,Dad. I asked 'em and
they said they will not throw a bathroom caution
halfway through this race.
Byrne Family Photo
I wonder if any of those ladies across the track
got the number of that water truck.

Dale Pitcher Photo via Midstate Club
The caption from this one said, in part: "Diff drove both
the 23 and the Hinds 194. Stan Lupka is 16..."  No wonder there was a crash, ain't no one ever told him -ya can't drive two cars at once !?
Ed Fuez Collection
I dunno why you guys can't see them cute little birdies
flyin' around our heads. They flew in the car after the fourth roll and I seen 'em ever since. Here, little birdies !
Courtesy of Midstate Club
I'm still not sure why the crew chief made me wait
while he installed this wiper. There ain't no window
to go with it. Oh well, I could drive through a cement
wall and not get hurt with that damned cowcatcher.

Courtesy of Andy Boright
Keep lookin' boys, I have it on good authority that the Easter
bunny left a lot more eggs around here than guys found yet.

Courtesy of Cho Lee

All right, guys. I'm gonna let poor 'ol Archie there have
a headstart. The first one around the track to that giant
Easter basket gets all the chocolate to put in his hat.

Courtesy of Andy Boright
Hey Stub, looks like Cabana don't know this is one of them driftin' contests.
Courtesy of Cho Lee
I tell ya what, Bob I'm all the done with the jolly joker
bit here. If I get my hands on that asshole who told me how
good the upper groove was working I'm gonna squeeze his
pencil neck ! I'm sure you guys all think it's funny telling
me the high groove here is made of grass !
Norman Morley Photo
OK, kid, let's go over what may have happened here and how we can prevent another %$#!@up. Did ya happen to
notice the other cars and how they're all goin'
Pat Miller Family  via Lew Boyd
Charlie, did we or did we not ask you if had to poop
BEFORE we loaded you into this tiny race Car ? Can
it wait until the heat's over ?

Courtesy of Lorraine LaBelle
OK, I know you're Dick Foley, I know who your father is, I know we're all supposed to be afraid of you. But I tell you this - if you don't get over here, take this flag, and pose for a photograph, I'm not giving you your free beer you just won !

Grady Photo Courtesy of Lew Boyd
Ya know, Pete, I think that gorgeous babe in the second row
DID notice you drove that whole heat race with yer feet. She
looks like she's comin' over here now.

Ed Feuz Collection
Hey Mr. Feuz, I know where that skunk ya saw ended up !


Courtesy of Cho Lee
Ya know what, Larry - yer right ! I never seen a trophy
girl carry the trophy THERE before !

Courtesy of HAMB Website
I gotta admit, Claude, you were right. Dragon DID pee on these tires !

Courtesy of Jodie Trayah via Steve Jangraw
Here he comes, Carl, but I don't think he's gonna let all four of us ride in this thing at once.

Courtesy of Steve McKnight
Yes, honey, they all look so lifelike - except Dragon
he was never THAT good lookin'.
Courtesy of Cho Lee
Don't step back suddenly, Dick - Humiston here passed out two hours ago when I slipped him a mickey.
Courtesy of Cho Lee
I'm gonna keep walking and hope Squier hasn't noticed
I stole his giant chocolate bar and left him that stupid trophy.
Courtesy of Cho Lee
You guys both drove good ! Ya both missed her.
Here, kitty, kitty !
Brisson Photo
I suppose by now, Tom, yer realizin' I have yer wallet !
Maine Vintage Race Car Assn Photo
Bulls !? Freakin' bulls !? Hey, the boss
told me to get this red flag and watch for
Courtesy of Cho Lee
I said Gimme that Harold, ya don't get to take it
until you WIN something !
Courtesy of Charles Hertica
It's OK, Gerald I'm not aware of anyone who ain't
scared of Pee Wee Griffin. Just be brave.
Courtesy of Charles Hertica
Fer chrissakes, Opperman, it's a damned
seat belt ! We all use 'em up here !

Herbert family Photo Courtesy of Midstate Club
Hell Gary, who are we kiddin' ? I know Dolores
paid ya to give us this best - lookin' car award.

Courtesy of Lew Boyd
Hey Dick ! Snap out of it ! I think that moose's comin' back to take another run at ya !

Courtesy of Charles Hertica
Hey Libero, I'm tellin' that hobby store their glue ain't nothing too fabulous !

Courtesy of Edward B. Brown III
Jeez Tas, you really couldn't avoid that poor
little woodchuck ?!
Courtesy of John Danish
No sweat , Dad - I kin put 'er back together in a jiffy !
Courtesy of Joe Grossetti
Hey look Amy ! Here comes that fifth grade boy
you think is so cute ? Hey Kid, c'mere !
Courtesy of Chas Hertica
Hell no, Herk, I'm not switching cars with you !

Courtesy of Gary Bardwell
Oooo ! Daddy's gonna be torqued when he finds
out I stole the car and won more trophies than he
has !

Courtesy of Lew Boyd
Will ya look at Wallard ? What a showboat !
He's drivin' the last lap standin' up !
Ladabouche Photo
I don't care if the races ARE over, peein'
off the bleachers is really wierd !
Courtesy of Austin Gregory
Hey Jerry ! You were right - he's actually buyin' this car  !
Courtesy of Lew Boyd
You bein' serious ? The roll bar is supposed
to be ABOVE my head ? Since when ?
Courtesy of Alan McDonald
Psst, Harv ! I wonder if anybody knows somebody stole Wimble's radiator.

Courtesy of Pete Fournier
Oh my God ! I ain't NEVER goin" by the outhouse again
if Blackie is in there !
Courtesy of Chas Hertica
He did WHAT to my sister WHEN ?
Where is he? Lemme at 'im !
Courtesy of David Lanne
OK, he ain't noticed us yet. Anybody know how to drive ?
Bob Frazier Photo Courtesy of C.J. Richards
Congratulations Sonny. Oh, I forgot to tell ya - I
promised the crowd they could have pieces of your clothes
for souvenirs - so run !

Courtesy of Steve Pellerin
[This is, beyond a doubt, the UGLIEST trophy girl I ever saw]. Oh well, here goes nuthin' !
Courtesy of Bob Weaver
Hear this, Bob - the next time Chet throws the red instead
of the green I'm gonna pop 'im one in the kisser !

Courtesy of Mike Cranston
Ok Fred, now lemme wear the helmet. That driver's
gonna be back sooner or later !
Courtesy of The Ed Feuz Collection
Well excuse me all to hell for being dirty in
yer darn photo ! It IS after all a DIRT track !

Courtesy of Chris Companion
Ok Beaver, listen: 1.) it's too cold to wear thongs, and 2.)
neither of us wants to see what you have in your driver's suit.

Courtesy of W. Moody Family
Yer right, SueEllen, that IS a rat, and it really does have Slugger's beer ! I ain't tryin' to grab it ! 
Courtesy of Pinterest
C'mon Billy, drink up this nice soup and then -
for chrissakes - GO TAKE A SHOWER !

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